Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
third nipple confirmed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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