at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
