Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
