Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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