now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
