she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
