Porn is love you can see.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
