Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
