you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
