i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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