saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They took my balls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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