his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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