Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
