Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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