No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
