Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
