Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
