guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
