The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
