Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
