And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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