Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Still dying that you shit outside
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
