I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
