And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
