This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
