I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We got so high we made milksteak
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
