I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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