My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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