Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

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(214): View more from Texas

Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

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(516): View more from New York

I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I have a theory he's part Neanderthal

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(937): View more from Ohio

The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...

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(518): View more from New York

Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

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(514): View more from Quebec

apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island

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(703): View more from Virginia

Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth

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