I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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