Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
