I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
