come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
