In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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