the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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