you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
