I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize