You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
