Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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