Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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