Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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