no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
