I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
