Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
