This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
