apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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