then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
