i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
