So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
