is wine microwaveable?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize