Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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