how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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