How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
