so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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