It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
