Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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