i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
