if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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