dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
