The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
