we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
