So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Acid is not a monday night drug
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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