If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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