So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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