i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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