Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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