I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize