capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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