the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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