did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
