Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
