You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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