new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
