her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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